As I said in my last post, partnership is technically a much easier road to financial independence. Singles are penalized again and again, by the government (the US has are more than 1,000 laws designed to financially benefit married couples), by corporations, by the everyday expenses of life that just cost more for one.
As a single person, I:
- pay $$$ for housing, transportation, electricity / wifi / phones — all shared expenses for most couples
- have more need to outsource expensive jobs that partners traditionally perform, such as being cared for in my old age
- have fewer opportunities for deals, such as cheap healthcare through my partner’s employer
- pay $4k+ more in income tax PER YEAR than I would if I were married with the same income
- have less time to side hustle without someone to share household tasks with
As a woman, the disparity is increased by my lack of testosterone (I’m tiny, so can’t do big household DIY jobs) and the high probability that I make less money than males in my profession.
But even with their huge array of advantages, most married couples don’t come out ahead of me. They take advantage of their benefits to spend more — go on more expensive vacations, buy more expensive cars.
Even if one partner is frugal, it’s rare that both partners are even somewhat on the same page financially. In fact, most couples don’t even discuss finances or have household budgets. Only one in three households has a budget. Money is the number one thing that couples argue about.
Case study: Ann and Adam
A married friend recently told me that she and her husband never discussed finances in the 8 years they were together before getting married.
Five years into their marriage, the discussion still hasn’t happened. Adam wants to move to a less expensive city and buy a house. Ann wants to stay put and go back to graduate school. Ann feels she should have more control over the decision, as she brings in a higher income and had worked hard to save thousands before they got married. Adam doesn’t understand why he should have to support Ann’s education financially when he doesn’t even want to stay in the expensive city, and besides, she already has a great income.
Like Ann and Adam, most couples would rather sink financially than take the plunge of the uncomfortable financial conversation. In fact, according to a 2014 Wells Fargo survey, Americans rate finances the most difficult topic to talk about with someone else. They rated finances as more difficult to talk about than death, politics, and religion.
This while 39% of us report that money is our biggest stressor, and a third of us (33%) report losing sleep over money. 52% of Americans report having cried over not having enough money.
Even if Adam and Ann brave that candid conversation, there’s a likelihood that they won’t land on the same page.
No Surprises
I’m good at difficult conversations. But even if I weren’t, as a single person I don’t need to risk any awkward conversation with a partner or have someone else’s input on a budget. It’s all down to what I want.
I have way fewer variables to worry about:
I don’t worry that my bank account will be drained by a partner’s impulse Ninja Blender purchase.
I don’t worry that my partner will become sick and I’ll have to support them and myself (although arguably living as a couple isn’t more expensive than living single…).
I don’t worry about my partner leaving me or becoming abusive. Some of my friends’ finances have been DECIMATED by a divorce. They’re in their 50’s and have now gone from McMansion to nothing.
Greater Flexibility
I recently left New York City for Boulder, Colorado to pursue a better quality of life at 60% of the cost of living.
I was largely able to make this decision because I’m single:
- I had one less person’s career and preferences to consider before moving.
- I had one less set of parents to consider in terms of where and when I move.
Hidden Costs of Happy Coupledom
What people sometimes forget is that being coupled does carry its own monetary costs.
Even for partners who are on the same page, you still have:
- Spending on “together activities”, such as equipment to go hiking together, take short getaways, go out to anniversary dinners…
- Couples’ counseling, aka therapy: the biggest money suck known to mankind
- Things you are expected to do together, like both flying to both people’s families, doubling your holiday expenses
We’ve established that stress is one of the biggest contributors to excess spending. And coupledom has stresses of its own. The stresses of conflict and difficult times in the marriage can lead to increased comfort spending for both parties.
Stress makes it harder to make the optimal decisions. Because of the stress of relationships (or just being lazy), most couples choose not to have roommates. I always respect for couples who achieve their financial goals by living with other people. But really, having roommates isn’t a virtue. It’s just a smart thing that everyone has to do sometimes.
Willingness to live with other people in my 30’s has offset at least some of the disadvantages of being single. I pay less in rent than I otherwise would. I benefit from skill-sharing, help with lifting heavy things, sharing tools / furniture / appliances, etc.
All in all, I’m pretty happy pursuing FI on my own, although it will take a few more years to reach my goals than it takes some couples. As noted above, while couples on the same page win hands-down, I still come out ahead of the vast majority of American couples.
As noted in the Munny Rabbit blog:
Although laws and policies mean that I’ll pay continuous penalties for my singlehood, I’m choosing to focus more on the freedoms and less on the costs of my independence.
I love the freedom I’ve got in life. I love the lack of unpleasant surprises that can result from having a partner.
As a single, the only person I have to manage is me. My choices. My life.