Financial experts will give you all kinds of financial advice:
Spend within your means
Invest in index funds
Pay off your credit cards
All of this is great. But if I could give one piece of financial advice to someone, it would be this:
Desperation is the ultimate enemy of your bank account
Desperate decision making wreaked absolute havoc on my finances — not to mention my life — throughout my 20’s.
Money stress might make some people rob banks. The rest of us make other kinds of bad decisions. My desperate mistakes were housing-related ($$$), education-related (yes, I want that $11k back from the school I chose out of desperation), and healthcare-related ($5k because I let a situation get serious that could have been treated earlier for $200).
Desperation is usually avoidable. In many cases, it occurs because we procrastinate on important personal decisions. But sometimes it’s unavoidable — we’re just in a bad place because of something that happened.
Regardless, we don’t have to let our tough situation rule our minds. We don’t have to get tunnel vision and leap onto the first potential solution. I’m learning to be calm and clear-headed, see the many options in front of me, and take a little extra time — whether that’s a few minutes or a few months — to make big decisions.
Moving to NYC: Stressed-out decisions galore
In 2009, as I was about to run out of money, I landed a job in New York. I was so worried they would change their minds that I agreed to move up from Virginia and start work in just 2 weeks.
As if that weren’t enough, I told myself I needed to find a place to live that first weekend no matter what.
I looked at 4 apartments that weekend. I was running on adrenaline and actually acting desperate — possibly one reason the potential housemates I liked the most didn’t choose me as a roommate.
Stressed beyond belief, I chose a living situation I wasn’t sure about. I just wanted somewhere to land.
Was it really true that I had to find a place to live in that one weekend, choosing between only 4 apartments?
No. It just felt like it.
I could have stayed longer and looked at more than 4 apartments. I could have checked out other neighborhoods. I could even have stayed at a hostel for a few weeks while I found the right fit. But my feelings led me to make a hasty commitment I would live to regret.
I stayed in that apartment too long — 2.5 years — all the while realizing that my roommates didn’t really want me there except to get the rent income. I was only happy when I was holed up in my room.
I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until suddenly one day I was completely fed up. I had had it. So I looked for a new apartment and plunked down my money for the first vaguely appealing one.
If I’d thought about it more, I would have realized how dark and moldy it was. After I moved in, it turned out to be infested with cockroaches. I would have realized what a bad situation it was if I had been taking my time. Instead, I just couldn’t wait to pounce on something.
I might have cut my losses and looked for another place to live, but in true Ginna-fashion, I put up with it until things got nightmarish.
A year later, I had become so stressed by the cockroach situation that I ended up in the hospital for stress. My desperate apartment choice wasn’t the only factor that put me in dire mental health, but it certainly played a huge role.
I made many desperate decisions in a row . The situation wasn’t so pressed that I had to make snap decisions. Instead, I was having trouble recognizing my emotions and handling them in a measured way. My emotions were coloring and rushing my decision-making.
Two steps to heading off desperation
Looking at my history, two issues dogged me, both related to lack of self-awareness.
1 | I made hasty decisions, operating from a mindset of scarcity
My worldview was anxiety-driven, predicated on the idea that there were few places to live. In reality, even in a time of housing shortage, there were thousands of apartments / roommate situations in the 5 boroughs of NYC to choose from.
2 | I didn’t leave the situation until I was completely miserable.
By the time you’re completely miserable, you’ve waited too long. You don’t have to wait until you’re crawling out of your skin to make a life change.
I truly was not aware of how unhappy I was until it hit dire levels. This is something that journaling might have helped me head off. And frankly, spending the money to leave my first situation earlier would have saved me a lot of money and hassle in the long run.
Moving to Colorado: Measured decision-making
My approach now is very different.
Last year when I moved to Colorado, I knew I’d be tempted to make a desperate decision on where to live. There was a housing shortage even more difficult than the one in NYC, and the word “shortage” kicked my stress level into high gear.
But this time, I recognized that rush of adrenaline and put it on pause. I wanted so badly to put down roots, take my stuff out of storage, and start my new routine, but I knew I’d be better off finding exactly the right place to live first, even if it took a f ew months.
So I planned my move with some limbo time in mind. I reserved inexpensive AirBnB’s for my first month there so I could have time to get the lay of the land and live in different neighborhoods. Instead of driving a U-Haul, I shipped my belongings across the country in a pod so that the pod could be stored until I found a place to live.
I made a list beforehand of what I needed. That way, in addition to my gut feeling, I could go through the list and see if the apartment had what I needed. A few were:
- Sunny living room
- Not carpet (nice-to-have)
- Easy biking distance to downtown (I don’t own a car)
- Feels clean
- Big kitchen
I saw many apartments. I almost said yes to a couple, but my gut told me to wait and find exactly what I wanted. A few places I saw would have been perfect for me except that the kitchen was tiny and cramped.
Another place in North Boulder interested me, but the carpets stank of cat pee and the whole place felt a little grungy.
After a month, I still hadn’t found what I was looking for. But I found a 3-month sublet that would allow me to continue my search.
Part of what helped me stick it out for so long is that I had a backup plan. If I didn’t find something, I could always airBnB a bit longer. One of the airBnB’s I stayed at was quite cheap, about on par with a month’s rent in an apartment. (~$25 / night ).
Finally during that time, I found exactly what I wanted — location, big kitchen, sunny living room, no carpet. Best of all, 2 lovely roommates I’d enjoy living with.
I’ve been living here for 8 months now and could not be happier. I’m paying what I can afford for exactly what I wanted. I feel somehow vindicated for past mistakes — so glad I took my time to find what I was looking for instead of rushing into a lease agreement I’d later regret.