The subconscious effects of abuse, religion, and poverty on your money mindset
I just finished reading Maus, the Pullitzer-winning graphic novel portraying one family’s experiences in Nazi-occupied Poland. Over the course of a few years, the Jewish family lost everything as the Germans took over their home and business. Eventually, they were sent to Auschwitz, where most family members died.
Personal losses aside, the financial impact of these life events cannot be overstated. Fear of losing everything followed the family even decades after the war was over. The father in particular — Vladek — became obsessed with saving money.
Vladek would drive all the way to the store to return boxes of cereal he’d tried and didn’t like — with the lids taped shut. He’d then argue with the manager until they gave in and refunded his couple dollars.
He even left the gas stove burner on all day in order to save on matches.
Maus reminds us that our approach to finances isn’t limited to our own trauma — it comes to us from generations past.
I’ve written a bit about how my grandparents’ Great Depression experiences resulted in similar — if less drastic — behaviors. For example, my mom’s parents once bought horrible orange wall paint for their daughters’ rooms because it was on sale. Most likely, some other customer had hated it and returned it. 😬
My family continues to experience the results of this. Most of my mom’s siblings are incredibly frugal and fearful, with apocalyptic-type mindsets and major anxieties around foods and toxins.
Arecent story on the Time to FI (Financial Independence) blog illustrates the financial consequences of childhood abuse. “The Long-Term Financial Implications of Abusive Parents” details the writer’s childhood abuse, including being beaten for allegedly buying a candy bar with his step-dad’s money. At age 15, he was forced to start working full-time.
After a lifetime of abuse, the writer had so much pain around money that he tried not to think about it. As a result, he spent money as if it didn’t matter. He also didn’t educate himself about money management (for obvious reasons). This led him into debt.
Not everyone experiences this level of abuse, but lots of us have difficult pasts that influence our money choices more than we’d like to believe.
Many experiences financial abuse as adults from their partners. According to the 2016 Australian Bureau of Statistics Personal Safety Survey, 38% of women and 22% of men have had a partner who tried to hide household finance information from them or take away their decision-making power.
In my case, religion played a starring role in my bad money decisions. Some churches financially abuse members by encouraging them to tithe 10% of their income even while their members are deeply in debt. Meanwhile, said churches offer no financial education to their members other than “Give us 10%, because God!!”
(And let’s not forget those of us who spend tens of thousands of dollars on therapy to work through our abusive faith backgrounds.)
My bad decisions were of a different flavor, however. I grew up in a faith-based home, believing that money is dirty, that thinking about it is greedy. I also believed that God would provide a Christian husband to provide for me. Fast-forward to age 22, and I graduated with a useless liberal arts major and no godly husband. I had no idea what to do next.
The next year, the Great Recession hit. With it came a year of unemployment. It was humiliating to be unemployed at age 23, unable to even land a job at Barnes and Noble. While my friends worked and went to grad school, I sat at home in my sweatpants desperately applying to yet another retail job, doing yet another babysitting gig.
This hellish experience has swayed every part of my financial mindset. I don’t want to be caught unemployed again without multiple safety nets. That’s part of why I’m seeking financial independence from the traditional 9–5 workplace.
Things can go the other way, too. Some people grow up in such privilege that they wouldn’t know how to cut expenses to save their lives.
These privileged people experience life with a scarcity mindset. They see themselves as victims just trying to make enough money “subsist” — and by “subsist,” they mean continue their life of incredible luxury. The first time they have to say “no” to a resort vacation, they begin to sulk about how hard life is and how many sacrifices they are making.
(Once, my cousin complained that they might have to sell their second house in order to make ends meet with their 6 kids. 🙄)
How has your past affected your finances? Let me know in the comments.